Question for the guys

[punkiimunkii (deleted)]

Why is it when a guy emails me that he is interested, and i respond back they always act like jerkbags if i tell them i am not interested? i try not to lead them on, and i tell them the truth, just like i would want them to tell me the truth. and its not a though my 1st reply back is : no i don't like you. i actually talk to them. then if they say so do u like me... if i don't i am honest with them, and then I'm the B---- for it.

I mean its like they think because I'm a big girl i should be desperate enough to want anyone, and that's not true. I have standards too, just like they would.

I guess my question is, if a girl is not attracted to you would you rather we not respond back at all, or actually tell you. i personal hate it when they don't respond back, i feel like i wasn't even worth there time. so i try not to make others feel that way. but if not responding is what they need i will do it.

[fatuglyguy (deleted)]

`You raised a legitimate point, Personally I too would wonder if I took the time to contact someone whether threw email or IM or even a smooche. I'd like to know they are alive at least. So, is it just to freaks who want quickies joining this group and hoping to make some fast hits or is it all the guys on here that don't reply. Is it just some ladies that don't respond or is all the ladies starting to just not respond. many things to think about. I would say punkiimunkii you are not alone with your feelings and I hope other males take the time to respond to you in order to give you a better perspective of male thought pasterns

[xbubblyx]

It's just pathetic on their part. They got their egos bruised and they don't like it so they try to make you feel as bad as you made them feel; which if you didn't let them down in a harsh or nasty way, they have no right to lash back out at you.

And if they really think that BBWs like ourselves don't have standards, then I wouldn't want to have anything to do with ignorant, superficial jerks like them anyways. I would consider is a blessing or a confirmation that you made the right choice to deny them when they act like that.

[tailswish (deleted)]

`Sounds like a reaction only a seriously lame guy would have. Polite and well-adjusted (at least relatively-speaking) guys like me have to accept it when we're turned down, and do so with good grace.

[shylagirl24 (deleted)]

`...cuz i mean, everyone gets turned down at some point. you can't get all offended because there happens to be a person or two that isn't attracted.

what i always wonder is: if i have any suspicion that some guy and i might not be a perfect match, but he seems nice ...is it wrong for me to chat with him a little, or respond conversationally, just to be friendly? i mean, if a guy is nice and funny when he emails me, and i see that our religious beliefs are contradictory, for example - should i just nip it in the bud and say nothing but "no thanks"? is responding, just to carry on a friendly conversation, considered leading him on, and thus unfair?

see, my theory is, just because two people may not be husband/wife material (together), doesn't mean the two of them can't speak. if you were face to face, you wouldn't be blunt and curtly tell the other person to go away, you'd chat. so (and now i'm getting to the gist of my question!), do guys (or girls, for that matter) feel offended if they strike up a conversation, and the other person responds in a friendly manner, but isn't attracted romantically? it seems like that might be part of the issue with the OP's situation. like, the guy feels like he's invested something, and you've wasted his time by responding in a friendly way.

does this make sense?

[southernfinery]

`absolutely makes sense shylagirl24.It is imo not nice to lead someone on but you can't help it if they take your politeness as a sign of interest romantically.Imo in the politeness realm of communicating,if the sender is asking how are you then the sendee could respond back with fine how are you.It is advisable to look at their profiles first before responding to see if they might be married or just looking for S-- or cam to cam or they aren't sure what they are looking for.I think you can still be polite but you must remember that there are hackers on here as well as every other site so you still must protect yourself as best you can so follow your instinct.good luck

[sheevaa]

`I usually let someone know right away that I am not romantically interested, but I love meeting new people. So if the person considers me an interesting person and we chat more, great. If they are strictly looking for a date/relationship/booty call, or whatever, they'll know where I stand.

[louie2010 (deleted)]

`Most I believe is what I like to refer to as "KingDick Syndrome". Unfortunately, I do have friends that suffer from this. They "Think" they are Gods gift to women and all women should awe at his manlyness. And, if a women rejects him, she is either stuck up B---- or gay. Please don't let these jerks ruin you. For every jerk out there, there is also a nice sincere guy. And, I do recommend contacting them back. These kind of Aggressors will see, with you not telling them your are not interested, that you playing hard to get which might result in several more Emails of meaningless banter on "how hot you are".

[vikingwolfie (deleted)]

`Well i ahve 28 sent messages and have gotn not one reply back saying hi kiss my a** or anything i think its cuess most look at my pic and im to ugly and i can deal with that or maybe its that im married that they think im just looking for a booty call but im not just looking for S-- me and my wife are looking for a woman we can both love in a poly type home But i hate not hearing back one way or another when i send messages to ppl on sites like this

[bigrigd (deleted)]

`Some ppl are just not fully mature yet. Both guys and girls can act like that few will so dont let it get to u im sure there is quite a few bit of ppl who were good to ya.

[ggr1972 (deleted)]

um have ran into a few rude women

so while a lot of ego-bruised guys are jerks..we don't have the market cornered on that point.

[adam2013 (deleted)]

`Same here ggr1972 - just because you are female does not give you carte blanche to try and do men down. I was taught respect all people, but sadly it appears not everybody else was taught thusly.

A firm but polite 'Thank you, but I am not interested in you that way' lets people know how you feel and I think most people are mature enough to understand that without emptying bottles of Pernod.

Far better than to lie to a person and lead them on - the sort of people who do that are morally bereft in my opinion and karma will usually kick them in the ass.

[kingmarsxxx32]

`That sounds like they are both desperately lonely, and then once they get a positive response the whole " play it cool and macho " effect kicks in. In short, it is kind of a " natural reflex ", most of the time they mean well..it just doesn't work. If I like a girl personally, I like to be nice instead of "macho".

[kingmarsxxx32]

`I know how it feels too be rejected and it can hurt enough where I will do the whole " B---- " card, that usually is either 1.) a defense so the heart and/or feelings aren"t hurt. 2.) A way the man can.. lessen the blow he just took too his ego. or 3.) He is an @ssh*le, the important thing is you were honest :)